Every Relationship in life requires investment… as they say, ‘It takes two to tango’

February 13, 2018 moGossip articles

Let me not introduce myself. I would like to remain anonymous because I have a confession to make. I was phobic to this whole commitment game and for me, relationships were but a farce.

Break-ups, unstable relationships, failed marriages, we see a lot of them around us. That does not make me the odd-one. Young adults looking for the physical comforts of a relationship, adults seeking security outside of the marriage are all pretty common in our society today.

When you look at the modern day dating environment, you see the whole idea of commitment lacking in a relationship. More and more people are staying away from a serious relationship. I have to stress again, I am or rather was not alone.

What does research say?

 When I pondered over the fact, I came across some interesting facts.

There is a study called Interdependency Theory that sheds light on relationship commitment. This study is a two-decade-old one, but it is still as relevant today. What it states is that in every relationship, there is an exchange scenario; that is both the partners in a relationship exchange benefits and costs.

When a man and woman commit to each other, such as in a marriage, they are dependent on each other. They may or may not be ignorant of this fact. People in committed relationships, seek satisfaction in each other while investing in each other.

When a relationship with the right person ticks all these boxes, a person may be ready to maintain the relationship, while seeking attachment in the partner.

Why the fear of commitment?

When I am asked something like this, I only reply that I have my own short-comings. I also strongly feel that social changes in the environment may also be the reason why individuals are afraid to commit. Men and women, who balance their careers with alternate passions and hobbies, may fear the burden of a true relationship. That could be my problem too.

 A woman with a successful career will not take any kind of bull-shit in a relationship. She will also be wary of a relationship from what she has seen around her. If she sees her friends and family happy in a marriage or a long-term relationship she will not hesitate to commit to one.

Sometimes this fear can also come from a lack of desire. Desire is not just the physical aspects of a relationship, but the longing to be with the other person and willing to sacrifice many things to make your relationship work.

Finding the Rhythm

Non-committal relationships are like a regular, dull and boring job. It is not appealing and it may seem like just another monotonous chore. Hear it from a person who has been there.

As preachy as this may sound, no relationship is easy. Every person in your life requires investment. As they say, ‘It takes two to tango’. When you find your rhythm and make an effort to keep-up-to it, life will turn into a song. How do I know this? Because I am now happily married for close to a decade.

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